I’ll have both prints and standouts available for sale; images are below. I’ve printed these previously, and I know that they look fantastic. Chris Hubbs, Mike Terry, and Josh Stockment have all seen them, too, and will attest to their awesomeness.

Because I have nothing to sell without the fine talents of Mr. Andrew Osenga in playing the concert where I took this shot, I am splitting the profits with him. More on that in a sec.

8″x12″ print:

Signed or Unsigned?

Unsigned $30.00 Signed $45.00

11″x14″ standout:

Signed or Unsigned?

Unsigned $100.00 Signed $150.00

All prints and standouts are from Mpix. If you’re asking, “What the heck is a standout?”, I asked the same thing when I first came across the product. It’s a print mounted on 1.5″ thick Gatorfoam, edged nicely and pre-drilled on the back with holes for hanging. You can use nails or pushpins to hang these; I have done both to good effect. In fact, I have a nice little gallery of some of my favorite shots on the walls in the stairwell of my townhouse.

These are a limited run: I’ll do just 50 prints and up to 10 standouts. That’s it. Andy and I will split the profits from unsigned items 50/50; if he signs, he gets 60% and I get 40%. [It's only fair.] I will sign and number all the prints and standouts, plus keep records for authenticity. You know, for when Andy signs that multimillion record deal and you want to list this on eBay.

Now, I know that these aren’t cheap. I was originally only going to offer the standouts, and then I decided that I just couldn’t envision enough people wanting to drop $150 on a signed copy. But I figure that there are some of you that love Andrew enough to do that. [And then there's my mom. You should buy one, Mom.]

I’ve done the math, and after I pay for shipping and sales taxes, I’ll make about $800 if I sell all the units, as will Andy. We’ll make more if you want them signed, of course; if everyone buys theirs signed, it’s something like $1700 for Andy and $950 for me. I plan on using this to pay the filing fees to get my LLC, with whatever’s left over getting reinvested into the business—probably mics, maybe a wide-angle lens. I’ll do these sales periodically, with different artists each time, to fund gear to document shows. Andy will probably use his to buy gear for the studio or, you know, feed his kids.

As y’all probably know, I give my recordings and my photos away for free under a Creative Commons license, so this is your way to say thanks for spending the time recording concerts for posterity. I get the money to bootstrap my company, and you get a fun piece of memorabilia that looks great.

I’m glad that you’ve made the choice to stick it out. Twice, I’ve become overwhelmed and left churches to start anew, for exactly the reasons you’ve alluded to here [although unlike you, I've never been on staff; but I did get asked to be the youth director once when I was in college, but anyway]. I find in the results of this that the problem lies, well, with me: how I balance my life, how I react when challenged by others, etc. Unlike you, I’m still single, so I don’t even have the marriage relationship to remind me that these rough patches are worth trucking through. I envy you that.

I am currently between church congregations for a number of reasons. One, which seems quite silly, is that my overwork at work and at my previous congregation got me to a point where I was overwhelmed and ultimately depressed, and I gave up the thing I could afford financially to give up. Sad, but true.

And yet while I’ve been out of a congregation for more than a year now, I find myself yearning for corporate worship and study. I find that I don’t challenge myself—rightly or wrongly!—in solitude. I find that small groups can often end up having herd mentalities, and I need something bigger than that so I don’t get into those mentalities.

And … in the course of writing this, I think I just talked myself into going to the local megachurch on Sunday. Heh.

I want to expand on that last point a little bit. I’ve long resisted large congregations, thinking they should plant. Part of this comes from my reading of Dunbar’s number and my desire to know and be known by a community of believers. But as I wrote that about small groups, I realized that my need for community can be met at that level while my need for larger corporate worship and accountability can be met by a larger congregation. You know, as long as I don’t buy into herd mentalities and “us v. them” thinking.

I’ve resisted visiting Asbury UMC, Madison’s large Methodist congregation, for all those reasons. But sitting here, I feel this tug on my heart that all that is just flippin’ silly. So… okay, God.

Year End Review Questions:

1. What are the 2-3 themes that personally defined 2009 for me?
2. What people, books, accomplishments, or special moments created highlights in 2009?
3. Give yourself a grade from 1-10 in the following areas of focus for 2009: vocationally, spiritually, family, relationally, emotionally, financially, physically, recreationally.
4. What am i working on that is BIG?
5. As I move into 2010, is a majority of my energy being spent on things that drain me or energize me?
6. How am I preparing for 10 years from now? 20 years from now?
7. What 2-3 things have I been putting off that I need to execute on before the end of the year?

1. Depression, frustration, and confusion.
2. I have a hard time finding too many highlights here—at least ones that I can talk about. Mostly dealing with my depression, and some of that is too personal for even me to talk about much.
3. Vocational: 6. Spiritual: 2. Family: 6. Relationally: 6. Emotionally: 3. Financially: 3. Physically: 5. Recreationally: what?
4. I won’t talk about it on my blog.
5. Right now, things that energize me. I have the feeling that I’m going to look on 2009 favorably in terms of changes made during and as a result of the things I learned in the year.
6. I don’t plan that far in advance. I think the Bible encourages us to have more of a present focus.
7. I think I need a GTD clearout at work, which I have four days to execute at the office. I start tomorrow. Also, my office at home needs to be cleaned and reorganized as I prepare to build it out in 2010.

1. Whiskerino 2009 started! I’m a part of it.
2. Very little was good about today, if I’m brutally honest. But I made the decision to start keeping this list, so there’s that.
3. Back to Chorale practice after being out for three [!] weeks. Was good to sing and to see my people, especially Ryan.
4. Took lots of photos for work, and delivered some flight hardware.
5. Therapy was good. I’m making progress and have a good rapport with my therapist. It’s been one of the better things I’ve done.
6. First Occasional Huntsville Whiskerino Beer Summit! And Greybeard bought our beers and regaled me with stories of test pilot school! It was a great time! [Can you tell I just got home as I was typing this update?!]
7. Drove home to go and visit my folks. Too short of a trip, and I left my CPAP machine at home, but still a good time.
8. Drove home to Alabama, where my CPAP machine was waiting on me. Gloriously napped to catch up on the sleep I didn’t get last night.
9. I was really not wanting to go in to work this morning, but I kicked myself in the butt and ended up having a really good day.
10. Not much was good about today, but I had a really good barbecue chicken half from Smokey’s for dinner.
11. Nice day at work, relaxing night at home. Got lots of Whiskerino comments today, which … I just don’t understand. I’m like bottom 20% in the photographers there, I feel.
12. It was our “goody day” at work. The day went downhill after that.
13. Today was a better day at work. It was not such a good night of hockey.
14. Got to hang out with Josh Stockment.
15. Nashville with Josh, EA, and Joe. Waterdeep and Andy Osenga. Good times.
16. Had a good one-year checkup on my CPAP.
17. Found out that the Andrew Peterson Christmas show is playing down the street from my parents’ house. I’m excited to see it three times in a week.
18. Got the expansion packs of Grand Theft Auto. Blew stuff up in my living room.
19. Hosted the first HSVLocals Gaming Night at my house. Blew stuff up in my living room.
20. Continued my addiction to Prototype. Thanks, Stephen.
21. Reimagined indieriver.net. Gonna give away MP3s. :sigh:
22. Lazy Sunday. Caught up on my TV watching.
23. Therapy was hard, which of course means that it was good for me. :sigh:
24. Nothing good happened today. Sorry. My co-worker lost his daughter.
25. Was involved in some fun new business stuff at work.
26. Thanksgiving!
27. Time spent with family.
28. Back home in my own, quiet house. I’m a weird extrovert in that I like to be by myself from time to time…
29. Bengals win, and sweep the AFC North for the first time ever. WHO DEY?!
30. I kept up with this all month and posted it.

This has actually been a hard discipline for me, because this month has been very, very hard on me personally. My depression has been worse this month than anytime since June, when it was so bad that I took two weeks off of work to clear my head.

• Produce more.
• Consume less.
• Love deeply.

I could post 1,000 words about how I want to spend this next year of my life, but I think that will do, folks.

After:

I grew the beard in my 20s to look older at work. I had plenty of reasons for this, but the main one is that I was way younger than my peers and wanted to fit in a bit more visually. Now that I’m 30, though, I don’t really care about that kind of thing as much—plus, I’m established in my position. Also, I associate the growth of the beard with the growth of my gut over the same period of time. I’m trying to get rid of one, so why not both?

It’s all in how you choose to see things. This I have learned lately. And I now choose to see myself as a cleanshaven individual. [But yes, I will Whiskerino in three months. No worries there.]

I start therapy on Wednesday. I may need it after the PMR, heh.

Also, things continue to be good. I had a dream last night that I went back to work today, where I got yelled at by everyone involved for coming back early. :chuckle: Today was actually the first day I was eligible to go back, as the leave I’m on requires that you be gone at least two weeks. Admittedly, I am tempted, but there are some things I want to get done around the house and with myself before I start back to work. I meet with my shrink again tomorrow, and I think she’ll be happy with my results. I know that I am.

That pretty much does it. Thanks to Kari for this one.

[I went to work at GEOFCON 2, then went all the way down to GEOFCON 4 by the end of a completely wacky day.]

My hit: I started running to try and do a 5k last year. I actually did it and have lost weight and will lose to Jill Phillips handily in another 5k this Saturday. (3pm at the Nashville Zoo, if you want to watch. Gabe Scott will also be there and will run a marathon in the same amount of time.)

My miss: I’ve never written a novel. Barely even a short story. And why? What’s stopping me?

Well, there are good excuses: I have two kids and a career that takes a lot of time.

And there are bad excuses: I’m tired, I don’t really want to do it anyway.

And then, THEN, there are the reasons: I’m scared and I’m lazy. (Lazy, of course, just means I’m scared again, but of hard work.) I want it to be fun, but when I try it’s not fun. It’s hard. Because I don’t know how to do it.

Practicing guitar was not fun. Playing guitar well is some of the most fun you can have on Earth. Why can’t I take that knowledge and move it to another medium? The Reason.

Hell, I’ve been scared of posting this for nearly two weeks. Why? Well, I’m lazy, plus I’m scared to admit it…

I am a project manager for a medium-sized aerospace company. We build unpressurized cargo carriers that NASA uses to fly replacement units like storage batters for the solar panels and the gyroscopes that keep the International Space Station aligned up to orbit in the Space Shuttle. These carriers have to protect the cargo from the structural loads of launch and landing as well as provide active heating and passive cooling on-orbit for up to ten years.

Admittedly, there are a lot of technical terms in there, but in those three sentences, you’re either 1) interested to know more, 2) writing me off as a nerdy rocket scientist, or 3) glazing over and hoping that your floor comes up soon. But hey, let’s pretend that you’re #1 …

I’m a project manager. What does that mean? Well, it means I’m frickin’ crazy. Okay, that’s really not that funny; my depression pre-dates my job. And presuming that you read my Twitter stream, you probably worry a little bit for my sanity. I do, too. This week’s been long—I’ve worked my forty hours, and I was in my bed today at 3:00 p.m. for what I think was a well-deserved and know was a much-needed nap—but it’s been good in many ways. Things are coming forward.

That said, none of that describes what a project manager is being like, in my sense. It boils down to this, in my role: managing technical issues with engineering drawings, materials and process specifications, and aerospace quality standards while keeping the customer happy and reasonably well-informed … while working to maintain cost and schedule. I work both cost-plus-fee and fixed-price contracts, and I’ve got a good reputation for managing both [or so I tell myself at 0445 when I'm not really wanting to get going that day]. Simply put, like many engineers, I solve problems—but my problems go outside the standard, “How strong can we make this beam while keeping it under twenty pounds?” decisions that aerospace engineers are forever making.

I work for Teledyne Brown Engineering, which is a systems engineering company with a manufacturing background. [The Brown is from Brown Tool and Die.] I never, ever presume to speak for my employer, although I believe that I try to represent them well. I’m part of a small team that does this for the company, and we have a pretty solid reputation with our NASA customer.

Unpressurized cargo carriers are as weird as they sound. I started off in pressurized, rack-stored payloads—what you think of in your mind’s eye when you think of astronauts floating around inside the Shuttle or Station, in front of a floor-to-ceiling assortment of drawers, bins, and lockers. This lasted a couple years, and then we got busy working for NASA in building these carriers. I was a co-op then, and they needed someone detail-oriented who could figure out scheduling. My boss handed me the task to keep busy, and I got good at it. Too good, actually—I know am fairly intuitive with scheduling [to the point that I don't put in as much time with Microsoft Project as I should], and once I showed an interest in the business side of this job, I was done for. Heh.

We’ve built carriers for: the big ISS batteries that store electrical energy captured by the solar arrays; the Control Moment Gyroscopes that the ISS uses to align itself without firing rockets all the time, various electrical boxes that do battery charge/discharge and current switching, and a bunch of other things that are harder to describe. Most all of these units are in the size range of “not really small enough to fit in a compact station wagon”, and weigh between 100-400lbs. They’ve got odd shapes and are delicate [especially the batteries], so you have to coddle them. For us, that means stiff, strong metal components that provide structural integrity while not weighing very much. [When Apple made big news about their unibody laptops, I was thinking, "Um, wow. Hogging out aluminum. Do that every damn day, y'all."] And when it comes to active heating and passive cooling, these are the visible, non-structural things: black-anodized heating plates with thermofoil heaters glued to the back side, with big, thick, bright-white blankets around everything. [Ever notice that everything on orbit seems to be painted white? You gotta reject that heat when you're in the sun, or you'll cook.]

That’s my job, in a nutshell, as of early 2009. I’ve been doing the project management gig since late 2006 and the cargo carrier stuff since early 2002. I’ve touched countless items that have later flown in space: just today, I held a thermostat that probably cost the government more than my company pays me in a year. [Yes, it was in an ESD bag, and yes, I had a wrist strap on.] My job is fun, crazy, and maddening … and I love it most every day. [AND WHEN I DON'T MY FRIENDS HEAR ABOUT IT ON TWITTER BECAUSE OH MY GOD I HAVE TO VENT OR I WILL KILL SOMEONE.]

1. The day I can turn off my air conditioner, open up my windows, and let Nature cool the house. Admittedly, I do this as early as I can, and there are days when it hits 30C upstairs during the day, but I can live with that to not run my A/C.
2. The day I have to close my windows because it’s too cold outside to leave them open at night, but yet not too warm during the day that my house gets hot if they stay shut.

Today is that second day. In case you’re wondering, yes, I do eventually turn on the heat pump, but only when it gets below 5C outside or so. My house holds heat pretty well, and so do I; it’s only when pipes are ready to freeze that I’ll fire up the heat, and even then I only keep it around 15C downstairs; it’ll be near enough to 20C upstairs to be comfortable. It helps that my neighbors on both sides really like to run their heat up high, as I get some of their residual heat through the common walls between our townhouses.

So if you need to email me, well, hit me at work or GMail. And if you don’t have either, well, tough for you—not putting those here on the site.

Update, 0747: And we’re back.

Update, 2032: Indeed, now they’re going to work on redundant uplinks, as that was the issue. This is why I spend my money with them.

Last week of the month, I’ll be off from work for a week [glorious!], without anyone calling me or me calling them [even better! I was in touch with the office all during my week out in May], spending part of the time with my parents and the rest of the time by my own damn self. I’m even going to Lake Guntersville for a couple days. But I won’t tell you when, Internet, so you don’t try to break in my house and steal my stuff.

[Besides, I boobytrap the place.]

I think that everything is restored now, and I got a halfway decent night’s sleep last night, so I’m off to Tennessee today and some of tomorrow, since, you know, I got the flu for Christmas and didn’t get to see any of my family.

Just gotta roll with the punches. Plan B? I’m still working on Plan A.

• Tomorrow I fly back from Houston.
• Sunday is Consecration Sunday at my church.
• Monday, I’ll jump right back into the work scene after being out of the office for three days. I’m up on my email, though, so I think it’ll be okay.
• Tuesday and Wednesday will be prep days as we get ready for …
• Thursday, when I have program reviews with my VP. I’ve got some good news and some bad news. I’m gonna like giving the good news a whole lot more, but hopefully Monday through Wednesday will give me all the prep time I need to answer the questions I know I’ll face. Also, Thursday night should be the first hockey get-together of the season.
• Friday night is the first UAH home hockey game of the year. I’m so stoked.
• Saturday afternoon has the second game of the year, and Saturday night, it’s Derek and Sandra! Yes, hockey and music in one day. No, I’m not sure that I can stand it. And after the show, I’m sure I’ll be hanging with the McCrackenWebbs at my friend William’s house, because …
• Sunday I have a 6:00 a.m. flight to Denver to spend a couple days with Alex. I need some time away [and have a week's worth of comp time to use], and Alex offered. I’m really looking forward to it, and I hope to get to meet his cohorts at Crowd Favorite.

It’s gonna be a fun week. I’m ready to get started.

This is the temperature gauge on my WRX as I pulled into my driveway. It’s been 100F+ every day for a week, but this is the first time it’s been 104F after driving around for a bit and moving air across the thermometer.

I am so thankful that the air conditioner in my house is working. The system at work is unable to keep up with the thermal load being thrown at it: I start the day at 74F or so, and after noon, I’m above 80F. Suffice it to say that I come home sweaty every single day. Feh.

Now, it’s time to settle in and watch STS-118 go to orbit. My group at TBE built the carriers for Battery Charge/Discharge Unit and the Control Moment Gyroscope that are riding on the External Stowage Platform-3 at the rear of the Endeavour’s payload bay. [If I lapse into acronym speak: TBE built the BCDU and CMG FSE flying on ESP3 attached to the ICC. ]

Go, Endeavour, go! I need something good today after an otherwise craptacular one.

That said, I really don’t want that. I’d rather passionately care and obsess about this stuff, waking up in the middle of the night thinking about stuff, than just punching a time clock.

If you find yourself in a dead end job, you’re probably wanting to switch chairs with me. I tell you this: each situation has significant negatives that turn that suck knob to 11.

Many, many, many, many, many more, y’all!