In Which I Discuss Patterns of Relationships Without Mentioning Venn Diagrams, But You Know I Was Thinking About Them
I think that I can be hard to get to know in situations where I’m not physically present with you. I think that there are two reasons for this:
- Online, I can spew content far more often. Why? I don’t have to shut up and listen and have stop-start conversations.
- I rarely, if ever, start one-to-one conversations. I’ll talk to you all day long if you start them and keep them going, but … I just rarely start them. If I do start a conversation with you, it’s because I really enjoy your company and value you, or I want to get to know you better.
One of the symptoms of this disease is this concept in my head that I can only “know” so many people at one time, which is a bit of thought that actually has some neurological and psychological bases to it. [Most researchers of such things would argue that we really only "know" and can keep up with 150 people at a time. I have thoughts about how the connectors that Malcolm Gladwell discusses in The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference are simply people who just remember key facts about people outside that 150, but ... another day, perhaps. Probably best after I have a conversation with Dr. Granade about that.]
But anyhow … it always amuses me when someone “new” comes into my sphere, someone I strike a connection with for whatever reason. Without hard facts to back it up, I’d say that this happens more often with women than men, but usually with married women whose relationships I highly admire [take a bow, Kari], so it’s not a picking-up-women thing per se [although it has been and probably will be again, heh].
I’ve said all that to say that I’ve really enjoyed interacting with Heather Green the last few days. I enjoy her wit and wisdom, her writing is fun, and she and Jeff are just great. Plus, she’s keeping me sane in crazy times, and that … that is always a bonus.
i love venn diagrams. that is all.
November 3rd, 2005 at 6:18 pmI love Heather and Jeff…they’re really some of my favorite people. I really like Kari too, even though I don’t at all know her on a personal level.
November 3rd, 2005 at 9:16 pmYou know, Geof, I really can relate to the concept of only “knowing” so many people at a time. For me, it’s more like keeping in active touch with, and my number is a heck of a lot less than 150, but I have some idea what you mean.
November 3rd, 2005 at 11:11 pmWell, “keeping in active touch” is probably closer to what is meant. I mean, think of all the people you know in life but haven’t had regular contact with. Chances are that you only remember a few things about them, specific memories. Maybe you “knew” them for a while, but you don’t know—you know that they work in such-and-such industry, but you don’t know if they like their boss or are happy with their job; you know that they have hobbies, but not what their favorite one is; and so on.
That 150 number is presented more as an average in that research, I think. I’d have to go back and re-read that to be sure. It has interesting implications; for example, there’s a sect of Mennonites that live communally and have a standing agreement to split their group in two when they approach 150 members—I think they sell the land, split the money, and both move to keep the animosity down—largely as a result of this phenomenon. They truly seek to know and be known.
November 4th, 2005 at 7:34 am