I Hate the Silence
‘Cause this room is so peaceful and this room is so quiet.
And I hate the silence
– “Center Aisle“, Caedmon’s Call, Caedmon’s Call
First off, let me say this entry is not about my depression, even if the song quote is from a song about suicide.
No, this is about changing a weird behavioral pattern of mine: hating silence.
Let me be clear: I have Nerd Attention Deficiency Disorder, or NADD. NADD sufferers seem to crave lots of sensory input; I know that I do.
Check it out: seven open windows—although two are of the same program, Firefox—and a nice docked window of Trillian on the right-hand side of the screen. I’ve opened and closed two other windows since I took that screenshot, and I’ve had a couple other programs running at various times this morning as I’ve been getting stuff squared away for my work week. If that weren’t enough, I’ve got MP3s playing in the background while I’m writing.
Frankly, I crave sensory input so much that it’s a detriment. When I get home, I can’t work in silence, so I fire up das TiVo and see what it’s recorded for me that day … and time goes POOF!
…
[There is a slight delay while I answer a small comment from Rick ... where "slight" = "five-minute derail, causing me to drop back and punt and re-rail the thought train".]
…
One of the biggest cases where I’ve “needed” sensory input is in my bedroom while I sleep at night. For the last year or so, I’ve had a radio tuned to ESPN 1450 during the overnight hours. This supplanted years of having a TV on with the volume down in my bedroom, a nasty habit I picked up long ago from Mom. I don’t know if it’s a response to tinnitus; it’s been so long that I don’t really remember. All I know is that complete silence has long been tough for me to deal with as I sleep.
Sometime yesterday, I decided to cut out the noise as I contemplated changing a bunch of things about my daily routine, including showering in the evening rather than the morning. [I've used the "I need a shower to wake up in the morning" crutch for far too long now.] I put the plan into effect last night, setting the first—CD—alarm for 0400. [For the record, the CD was Andrew Osenga's Souvenirs and Postcards. A quiet CD, it's a great choice for early-morning music.] I then used the “Sounds” option to give a windy background at 0435, followed by bringing in the local National Public Radio affilliate in time for the first hour of Morning Edition. Interspersed with the three quiet alarms were two louder ones—one at 0435, another at 0440.
The whole idea is to turn my schedule on its ear, to wake me up while the apartment is still asleep. I won’t turn on the TV for fear of waking up my roommates; I can have a leisurely breakfast while I’m alone with my thoughts and my God. Honestly, a quiet time for faithful contemplation and prayer is the linchpin for this exercise. [Brief pause while I look up "linchpin" to see if I spelled and used it correctly; indeed: "one that serves to hold together the elements of a complex".]
It was hard to go to sleep without noise; rather than focusing on the words of Bob Valvano, I dealt with the silence. The lack of sensory input was startling, but it let me focus on a few things, like breathing. I long ago learned a couple cheap breathing tricks to settle myself into sleep, and when I remember to use them, they rock my world.
The end result was five-and-a-half hours of Really Good Sleep™, which is all I ever need. I’m more chipper this morning than I have been in some time, and I am ready for my workday to really begin, now that my co-workers have shown up. 
Hey, how about sharing those breathing techniques to anothing insomniac? Share the sleep, man
July 26th, 2004 at 10:48 amSure thing.
Breathe in for five counts; hold for five counts. Let out for five counts; stay down for five counts. The last bit of that is certainly the hardest, because the body likes to breathe in at the end of an exhale.
This process is said to open capillaries, lowering blood pressure. It’s good for when you’re stressed, too.
July 26th, 2004 at 10:54 amHmm.. I’ll have to try that breathing thing! I myself have not been able to go to sleep without a book on tape playing for quite a long while. Hope your “chipperness” lasts for more than just the morning!
July 26th, 2004 at 11:57 amOh, I’m still quite chipper. I also get to be here until at least 1530 if not 1600, since I have to cover a telecon for my boss.
July 26th, 2004 at 12:12 pmHmmm… I might have NADD.
And thanx for breating tips… I’ll try them at the next bored (mispelling intentional) meeting.
July 26th, 2004 at 5:43 pmI go to sleep with Classical Music, often wake up five minutes before the alarm goes off.
Prayer and meditation time(s) are walking before Dawn and, lately, driving to work. Never thought about it before now, but those are the two times during my routine that I am alone with God. I suppose it also helps to pray while on I-40.
July 26th, 2004 at 7:38 pm*gulp*
I have a revolving door habit of sometimes listening to music to get to sleep, sometimes reading, and sometimes nothing.
But I know that if I didn’t have my CD player on my hour-long commute, I’d just about die. *walks away whistling*
July 26th, 2004 at 9:02 pmYeah, well, try I-565 sometime. Jackson traffic is nothing.
[Not that Huntsville has some outrageous traffic or something.]
July 27th, 2004 at 6:53 amNice! Sleep, here I come! (luckily I’ve been exhausted from Youth Camp and have been able to get to sleep OK the last week.)
July 27th, 2004 at 9:10 amMust be nice. I didn’t sleep at all well last week despite being worn out.
July 27th, 2004 at 9:48 amWhy is it that all of us in Maine are having trouble sleeping? Must be something in the water…
July 27th, 2004 at 2:16 pmHannah, the insomnia epidemic you speak of must be north of Portland. It certainly hasn’t hit this part of the state yet…
July 27th, 2004 at 7:39 pmI’ll have to try that breathing trick more dilligently…seemed to work pretty well even after just after a few repetitions.
That along with something in the air. Last I heard, pristine, forested Maine had the highest incidence of lung disease in the nation (or maybe it was asthma rate. Something like that)
July 28th, 2004 at 7:53 amGreat. Now my posts put people to sleep.
July 28th, 2004 at 8:08 amOh. I guess that wasn’t your Main Objective, was it?
July 28th, 2004 at 11:53 amI think I have NADD, too…although “I got better!”
Used to be I couldn’t fall asleep at night without talk radio. This goes back to my teen years, listening to master raconteur Jean Shepherd on my transistor radio every night on WOR - New York.
July 29th, 2004 at 1:27 pmThe Early Morning Experiment
I’ve forgotten what I need the most
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
I’ve forgotten what I love the most
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
– Andrew Osenga, “If I Had Wings …”, Souvenirs and Postcards
Rick asked me this past weekend how thing…
August 3rd, 2004 at 1:04 pm