You know, I look at where I am in my life at times and wonder just where the hell I’ve gone wrong.

And then I write that on a screen, stare at it for five minutes, and want to go back to doing something infinitely more enjoyable, like plucking out my eyelashes with a 50-lb. test rope.

I started writing on the Web for me, mainly for self-expression and self-examination. I started a personal Web site with a personal domain for that very reason. I knew that if I wrote and let others read it, they’d call bullshit when I wasn’t being honest with myself. Hence, I’d be as honest with myself as I could be without flaying my soul alive.

And then there are entries like this, where I just want to flay my soul alive and let you look at the gory details. I shan’t, though I’m tempted.

Instead, I’ll leave you with two lyrics that should make sense to you upon examination and reflection. They capture my mood more precisely than I can at this present, and I can be cheap and offer them to you and go back to my rather meaningless job. So, here goes …
Tonight I want a life
Where the faces are the same most every day
Tonight I want a wife
To sit with me and watch our children play
All the world between us
Watching the years fade away
And when the laughing’s done we’ll watch the trees stand still

– Bebo Norman, “Where the Trees Stand Still”, Myself When I Am Real

But what’s the good in being gone
You’re not there
While life goes on
And you’re somewhere else you don’t belong
And it’s a long way, a long way
Such a long way back home

– Pierce Pettis, “Long Way Back Home”, State of Grace