Okay, I have a weird impression of how things work in my world of music. I’ll be quite honest: when I’m confused, don’t know what to do, or anything like that, I’ll grab my MP3 library [all burned from my CD's, thanks, Ms. Rosen] or some CD’s, and then I hit the ol’ “random” button.

My rationale is that, honestly, the Good Lord knows what I need to be listening to at that point, and I almost always get some sort of answer to whatever question currently reigns supreme in my head and heart at the time.
I did so this morning, and I got two really, really funny songs when the MP3 list loaded at work. They’re both from Caedmon’s Call, one of my all-time favorite bands [and the only one where I've actually joined the fan club]. They are “Table for Two” from 40 Acres and “Love Alone” from Long Line of Leavers. Since you’re probably unfamiliar with CC’s music, I’ll reproduce some lyrics and the reasons they make me laugh this morning …

The relevant theme in “Table for Two” is that of a guy in his mid-20’s sitting in a restaurant, presumably an IHOP, talking about “soccer and how every man’s just the same” with his friend.

And how we just hate bein’ alone
Could I have missed my only chance?
And now I’m just wastin’ my time
Lookin’ around?

But you know I know better I’m not gonna worry ’bout nothin’
Cause if the birds and the flowers survive I’ll make it okay
Given a chance and a rock see which one breaks a window
And see which keeps me up all night and into the day

Because I’m so scared of being alone
That I forgot what house I live in
That it’s not my job to wait by the phone
For her to call

This day’s but everything’s happened on schedule
From the rain and the cold to the drink that I spilled on my shirt
You know how you’d save me before I fell dead in the Garden
You knew this day long before you made me out of dirt

[Whew, reproduced more of that than I thought I would.]

In “Love Alone”, it’s simply that love isn’t enough to sustain us. What a weird theme, no? Most folks would argue that love is enough. Unlike “Table for Two”, which was written by Derek Webb, “Love Alone” is written by Andrew Tate and sung by Cliff Young. [Caedmon's Call is an ensemble folk band, the type you see at colleges from time to time. They're amazing--the band dynamic could rip them apart, but they keep things going.]

Give me your hand to hold
Cause I can’t stand to love alone
And love alone is not enough to hold us up
We’ve gotta touch your robe
So swing your robe down low

The pain of the world is a burden
And it’s my cross to bear
I stumble under all the weight
But I know your silent, standing there

These two lyrics impact me a lot. One thing I often struggle with is a desire to not be alone in my life. The pressure is internal and external; I want to be happy and find fulfillment in a woman who makes me a more complete man. My friends know this, and they want me to find someone. My family wants me to have kids, either because they want kids to spoil or because they think I’ll make a great dad [or both].

This struggle is something that often bogs me down. It consumes me, and it ruins days, weeks. Idle thoughts turn to possibilities of future love and failures in the past. No doubt if you know me or have read IJSM closely, you’ll have noticed that as a theme. [Seriously, stop laughing, Amy and Heather.]

The other struggle is that of my own bloody pride. I’m a prideful individual, unfortunately. Life would be so much easier if I weren’t, but I recognize that the Christian ethic is one of sacrifice in many ways, and I have to sacrifice self-love on the same altar where Christ sacrificed his own self-love so many years ago. “Swing your robe down low” … because I’m to weak or too unwilling, or have lowered myself, too far to reach up and grasp it from the heights.

So it’s ironic; I am again in a state of being in love with the idea of being in love. I am again mindful of the steps I’ve taken toward my ultimate life’s goal, but how few of those steps have been forward. I am mindful of these things from just the last two days; having run across a couple absolutely beautiful females, both inside and out, and having run into the hard wall that is the concept that life is so precious and so short.

These themes, and then the music above. God tries to tell me a little thing each day, whether it’s through one of my friends, a family member, something I read, or something I hear. Sometimes I’m too stubborn or too busied to listen. My prayer is that I’ll listen just a little better, read a little deeper, love a little stronger. These are the things that makes this life precious, this gift I don’t really deserve but must cherish in context.