I’ve Been There
Paul Ford writes about dealing with his grandmother’s present bed-bound state. I can relate to a lot of that.
I haven’t discussed it much here—mainly because I haven’t known how to write about it—but my maternal grandmother has been in and out of hospitals and nursing homes since a 40-minute seizure a month or so ago. Unfortunately, the seizure has forced upon her some sort of dementia–temporary or permanent, we don’t know. Octagenarian-onset dementia is not unknown in her family; both of her siblings who made it past 80 had some form of dementia. I know that my grandmother is scared to lose her mind. I can see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice, read it in her words.
It’s been hard on everyone, especially Mom. It hasn’t helped that my paternal grandmother has also been in the hospital of late, suffering the aftereffects of a spider bite.
The struggle is in knowing what to say, if there is anything at all.
I can’t say I’ve fully been there. When my mamaw was in the hospital about a month ago she had hallucinations. I didn’t witness such, but I think it scared the heck out of my mom and aunts. Turns out it was a side effect of the dijoxin (heart medicine) poisoning, so it went away when her kidneys started working.
I do hope and pray that your grandmother’s condition will improve.
June 2nd, 2004 at 09:05So do I, but honestly, I don’t much expect it to do so.
June 2nd, 2004 at 10:28My comment is about your last line…what to say.
For what it’s worth, I was having coffee last night with a close friend whose wife gave birth to an extremely premature baby last fall. My wife and I ended up staying at the hospital through the night with him. At the time, it looked very likely that they would lose the baby.
He’d never shared this before, but last night he contrasted how Karyn and I handled the situation with the pastor of his church. Seems the pastor came in all “action-plan” with lots of words to say and scripture verse to quote. My friend said he only added intensity to an already intense situation.
In contrast, my friend said that Karyn and I were just there, letting them know that we were praying for them in the waiting room and providing a shoulder to cry on (or even a laugh) when needed. They considered what we did the real ministry, even though we had no “words” for them.
I know that sounds like I’m blowing our horn, but the honest truth is that we had no idea we were doing it the ‘right’ way…we just had nothing to say. But it turned out that “words aren’t remembered, but presence is” as “a good friend once told me.”
June 2nd, 2004 at 10:31For the record, I knew what allusion you were going to make before I finished reading your comment. With that, I concur.
June 2nd, 2004 at 10:37