I had the chance recently to counsel a married friend of mine. The couple were squabbling over fiscal matters, and probably imperfectly communicating to boot. Once I calmed the spouse down and got to reasoning with them, I came to a point I didn’t express in so few words, but I will attempt to do so now. [What, me, brevity?]

As my friend Derek and I discussed the other night, the two relationships that are the best for sanctification are husband-wife and sinner-savior. The latter is obvious and, factually, the definition; the former may not seem so on inspection. Marriage isn’t salvific, but it’s great for pointing out one’s faults. As two become one in marriage, the faults of the two are fully and nakedly presented to the other. Being new to the body of the one, the spouse rightly is aghast at the fault, and will often express it. “Why didn’t I know this before?” is probably what I hear from most married friends of mine in the first year or so of marriage. Even if we’re totally open in our courtship, I don’t think we can ever begin to show all our shortcomings to our betrothed.

Once you’re married, though, it seems hard to ignore the faults. [I'm speaking only partially experientially here, as much to everyone's chagrin but mine, I am still a single man.] Love, though, happens through that discovery. It doesn’t break because of it. It perseveres. But the married couple sees the faults of individual pieces of the pair.

The well-balanced couple, though, will seek to support each other. It echoes the salvific nature of our relationship to our savior: we come broken to the Cross, needy and unable to save ourselves. Christ picks us up, weds us to His body of believers, and pays the wages of our sins. What we cannot do for ourselves is done for us. Our faults are made known.

So it is, similarly, with marriage. It’s not that your spouse saves you, but they do point out your faults. The wife may not cook well; the husband may not clean well. The wife might not manage money well; the husband might be prone to loose talk. In having to face the fault, the fault can be found and buttressed.

We’re made a broken, needy, dependent people. It was not right for man to be left lonely, so woman was created. We have a need for lifelong companionship, mainly because we’re not independent enough to make it on our own in this life. We can’t do all the worldly things on our own, so we marry. We’re incapable of saving ourselves and cannot do all the spiritual things on our own, so we take grace.

Ultimately, and this is my end point, we shouldn’t stay angry and embarrassed when our faults are shown. We don’t like being exposed. We like to dress ourselves up, put on a brave face, and go on about life. But no matter what clothes we put on that wreck of a person, they’re still a wreck inside. But rather than deal with guilt and embarrassment when our spouse finds worldly fault with us, we should rejoice in the long term, because a partner can help you deal with the fault. It is as with sin; when I find fault within myself, a failing, coming short of God’s glory, I should ultimate rejoice in the grace that renews my heart.